Matzav News Wrap-up: A Purim Poem

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purim1By S. Friedman

Sit down, relax and put up your feet,
Sip your hot coffee and enjoy a Purim treat
Instead of a newspaper to accompany your food has a poem that will brighten your mood

Shalach Manos themes are as popular as Uggs® shoes
So we’ve decided to fill you in on the news
So far this has turned out to be quite an interesting year
Some things to frown about, some things to make us cheer

A balloon on the loose and in it a boy was supposed to be
But really all that happened was his parents wanting to get on TV
Speaking of hot air, Al Gore had to curb his green act
Emails were found that “Global Warming” is fiction, not a fact

A panic was started by a dreaded illness without prevention
But it seems all Swine Flu did was get a lot of attention
Bowing to the head of China made people get real upset
Maybe he was kissing up since they own all of our debt

Another great meeting was when the President tried to settle a fight
So he sat the cop and professor down to share a Bud Light
In Washington healthcare reform is a hot button debate
Better get your hip replaced now, before it’s too late!

The Yankees finally won the World Series, number 27
The stock market was climbing up, the Dow almost hit 11
Corzine is gone and thankfully New Jersey can start anew
Hopefully with Chris Christie less property taxes will be due

Tons of snow came down and kids missed lots of school,
But if you still had to trudge to work it wasn’t too cool
A bomber on a Detroit flight caused all travelers great pains
Now in addition to your shoes you must also remove your Hanes

Hit by a gigantic, enormous, and devastating earthquake
Haiti’s buildings were destroyed, now it’s flat like a pancake
Spending a billion or a trillion can become quite confusing after awhile
Maybe that’s why it seems Congress thinks money has gone out of style

A surprise election in Massachusetts that really shook things up
America seems to wish their marriage to Obama came with a pre-nup
Iran announced they had the right type of Uranium to make a big bang
Ahmadinejad like Haman before him, from a tree should hang

Ford and GM finally had a reason for great celebration
Toyota made a bunch of cars that don’t stop acceleration
A mystery so secret, how it happened no one could tell
When Mossad (allegedly) killed someone in a Dubai Hotel

So that’s all of the news, and now you’re up to date
As we arrive at Purim, a Yom Tov that’s truly great
We hope next year when Shalach Monos you receive
The reports will be about such great wonders; it will be hard to believe

No more bad tidings or events that make us despair
Only congratulations, happy returns, and Mazel Tovs to share
Mashiach should come quickly, and bring our golus to an end
And “Ah freilechen Purim” from to you, our dear friend

{ Newscenter}


  1. The Frum Websites continued to blow lots of smoke,
    their material varied between _ah broch_ and a joke,
    they’re a _tzara_ bigger than those on which they subsist,
    come Purim, I’ll get so squiffed I’ll forget they exist!


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