Rav Gershon Edelstein, rosh yeshiva of Ponovezh Yeshiva, offered powerful chinuch guidance for parents grappling with children at home who are unmotivated, lazy or not following normal schedules.
Rav Edelstein was asked a common question: Many parents are wondering what to do about their children at home, ages 12 and older, who, due to the corona lockdown, are sleeping a lot, waking up late, and so on. The question was: How much should parents be strict about them keeping zeman Krias Shema and the like?
Rav Edelstein’s immediate response was: “B’darkei noam. Rak b’darkei noam. Beli kefiah,” meaning, “In a pleasant manner, only in a pleasant manner, and without forcing.”
Rav Edelstein added that “a child knows what is proper,” and parents have to give him encouragement to want to do it and have a cheishek to do it.
“Forcing is the exact opposite,” said Rav Gershon. “It has no [positive] influence at all!” He added, “To force a child is forbidden!”
“Chinuch with forcing is backwards chinuch,” said Rav Edelstein. “The result is backwards. It must be done only with friendship, with love.
Rav Edelstein then said, “In general, a child will do what his father does.”
He repeated, “Rak b’darkei noam. Only in a pleasant manner.”
“He should not feel that he’s being criticized. If a child feels criticized, it causes a lot of hurt. This brings a child to prikas ohl (discarding responsibility). Don’t criticize. In general, this is an important rule in chinuch. A child should never feel that he is being criticized.”
WATCHף
{Matzav.com Israel}
Thank you for posting that. Thank you. I’m losing my mind with this kid.
Rabbi Avigdor Miller quoted a maamar Cazal to the effect that if a parent experiences צער גידול בנים (goes through pain and suffering raising his children) he won’t see פני גהינום (the parent won’t see even the facade of Gehinom), let alone to be taken inside. It’s a double investment: (1) You raised a child and made him a mensch. (2) You are spared great suffering after death.
I believe the second part is much more powerful when he says very clearly that the children follow their father’s path!!!
I need this chizuk.
Thank you!
Thank you Matzav for sharing the wise words of the Rosh Yeshiva. Reineh daas torah on a serious issue.
All I’ve been hearing from our dynamic speakers, was all this gudeliguck how everything is wonderful and simchadik in everyone’s home and how we are mamesh so zoche for everyone to be on top of each other is such close proximity 24/7 and how the shechina has never been in such a happy state since maaseh biraishis, and how jealous the malachim are of our avoda biyichidus, etc etc…
One could vomit from such sanctimonious unrealistic sheker.
Please post more of reineh daas torah of how we should deal with chinuch issues during these very trying times.
To clarify :the question was asked about twelve year old boys..didn’t say bochurim…
Great response in either case !
Thank you Appreciative Viewer for saying the truth! Love it!
Shlomo Ha Melach was the Chochom Mi Kol Odom..
That is what Novie tells us…
Shlomo Ha Melach said in MISHLIE::
ChANOCH Le Naar Al Pi Darko…. the son’s Derech
the son’s Derech
the son’s Derech
Debate closed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Att: Chanoch le Naar Al Pi DARKO Darko:
That’s a good point. But, I’m sure R’ Edelstein knows that very well. And I’m sure he knows the tendency of the majority of parents and their conduct when it comes to educating their children. And I’m sure he has the experience dealing with numerous families who’ve made mistakes with too much criticism. I’m sure the rav knows that once hearing this advice, parents will STILL err and criticize, albeit unintentionally, and thus he didn’t feel the need to point out that if your child needs a bit of a push, in that case, it would be wise to advise.
My point is, let’s be careful when publicly posting what you did, especially as the rav answered the question In GENERAL with the most important and relevant response and certainly did not answer YOU, who read this on matzav.com:) I think the article was posted to give parents chizuk and not to encourage individuals to publicly post how they disagree with a gadol.
Thank You!