Dear Matzav Inbox,
We are watching Klal Yisroel unravel before our very eyes, and instead of addressing the collapse, everyone keeps pretending that all is fine.
It is not fine. It is not fine at all.
The system — the very structure that is supposed to uphold us, guide us, protect us — has failed. Completely. Catastrophically. And we are the ones paying the price.
Families are drowning in financial ruin. Tuition is sky-high, rent and mortgages are crushing, food prices are unbearable, and every simcha becomes a test to see if the baalei simcha can make it to the finish line without having a heart attack. And that’s not an exaggeration.
Parents max out credit cards just to survive, and the mosdos don’t care — they claim they’re choking as much as the families choke. Where is the compassion? Where is the accountability? Nothing.
Our schools’ financials are in shambles. Teachers, the lifeblood of our children’s chinuch, are treated like beggars, underpaid and undervalued, while administrators often play power games. The classrooms are overcrowded, and if a kid doesn’t fit the cookie-cutter mold, he’s tossed aside like yesterday’s garbage.
Is this what we call chinuch? Is this what we’re so proud of? We are sacrificing entire generations because the system refuses to adapt, to care, to see every child as a neshama.
And let’s talk about the shidduch crisis — a crisis that everyone cries about and no one actually solves. Girls sit waiting, with no solution in sight.
Did I mention parental alienation? It might be one of the greatest crises no on talks about. Families torn apart. Children not speaking to parents. Children and parents entangled in machlokes. Who could have ever imagined?
Broken hearts pile up. Broken homes pile up. And broken dreams pile up.
Shalom bayis? Forget it. We are surrounded by couples on the verge of collapse. Financial stress, lack of guidance, emotional exhaustion — it’s a recipe for disaster, and it’s everywhere. How many homes are filled with silence, tension, or outright warfare? How many children are growing up in households where love has been replaced by resentment? Too many. Far too many.
Machlokes is the air we breathe. Shuls are split, neighborhoods divided, institutions at war with each other. Ask yourself: when was the last time you saw true achdus? We hide behind slogans of unity, but in practice, it’s jealousy, politics, control, and ego.
Simple Yidden are left confused, disillusioned, and bitter.
Our youth are walking away. Why shouldn’t they? What do they see? Hypocrisy. Double standards. Parents who preach values they don’t practice. Schools that break children’s spirits instead of raising them up.
Why are we shocked when boys and girls run from it all? The only surprise is that more haven’t yet.
We’ve turned simchos into competitions. Instead of celebrating milestones with humility, we are pressured into outspending our neighbors. The photographer, the flowers, the gowns, the catering — it’s a bottomless pit of expenses that bury families alive. We’ve replaced meaning with show, joy with debt.
Our kollelim and yeshivos — where is the money to sustain them properly? We build monumental buildings, but we can’t pay rabbeim on time. We have wealthy donors funding all types of funds around the world, but our own communities in the Diaspora are drowning. Literally.
Chessed? Too often it’s become a photo-op, a brand, a fundraiser. Chesed is often drowned out by glossy campaigns and PR stunts.
Leadership? Don’t get me started. Where is it? Who is standing up and addressing these crises head-on? Who is gathering Klal Yisroel and saying enough is enough? Instead, we get silence. Or worse — meaningless speeches and soundbites.
The system keeps spinning its wheels, protecting itself, while families, children, marriages, and entire communities collapse.
And what about mental health? Swept under the rug. How many teenagers and young adults are crying themselves to sleep, suffering from crushing anxiety, depression, and trauma, while we keep pretending everything is perfect? How many suicides will it take before the silence ends?
We are a nation spiraling — addicted to money, divided by egos, choked by dysfunction, crippled by a system that no longer works. We are sick. And the sickness comes not from the bottom but from the top. The system is broken. And worst of all, the will to change is broken.
Yes, there are bright spots. Yes, there are beautiful families and acts of greatness. But stop telling me about the bright spots when the house is burning down. Stop distracting us with slogans and photo-ops while Klal Yisroel falls apart.
It is time to stop pretending. It is time to start screaming. It is time for accountability, for courage, for truth. Because if we keep going like this, there won’t be anything left to hold together.
Sincerely,
A Member of Klal Yisroel
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It is easy to stand and scream about accountability and throw around fancy phrases. But do you have a real solution? I am not asking you to solve everything, only to show one concrete solution to the issues you raised. If you cannot, then this article feels no different than the fake PR stunts you criticize.
What’s the writer’s action plan?
Fly down to Orlando for Succos and mull it over.
How do you reconcile these two statements in your editorial:
1 – Tuition is sky-high,
2-Our schools’ financials are in shambles. Teachers, the lifeblood of our children’s chinuch, are treated like beggars, underpaid and undervalued
Tuition is sky high and yet the teachers are underpaid. Doesn’t that force the schools to raise tuition?
I hear your frustration but you are complaining about everything and shooting from the hip. Focus on one complaint at at a time to get your points across and possibly suggest some solutions. Even if you have valid points, no one cares to read a list of complaints and think we are not doing anything right.
i am surprised you let this letter go through your editorial board. There may be valid points but this is so un-focused and makes klal yisroel look so bad as a community. This letter really bothers me! What is the point here?
This is not a ‘look bad’ list. That’s a whole different ball of wax. These are issues that we need to wake up and realize are killing us.
Usually, when people write a letter with so much vitriol and kitrug, the process with the wine that means nothing I don’t mean to be Mekatreg.
Just curious why you didn’t do that too
I feel really bad that you view Klall Yisroel this way.
I have the absolute opposite outlook on us.
Has-hem should help you focus on the positive, and keep the negative for self reflection (on yourself).
Yes, we struggle. But Has-hem put us here to deal with Nisyonos.
Unfortunately the writer is correct. I have had to be on the receiving end of community chessed too many times and the egos and savior complexes and tuchuses you need to kiss, the judgment and patronizing you need to “gratefully” accept to be worthy of said chessed, i actually got lectured about the golden rule “who has the gold makes the rules” by one of the askanos involved. Do you know what is like to be people’s chessed project? No one is doing it for the recepients benifit
Get over it. Nobody owes you anything.
And I’ve been on the receiving end of lots of chesed – LOTS! and all of it was done discreetly and professionally with the utmost care to make me feel okay with it. I
Screaming wont help.
As it relates to our school system, we have a problem. Our chinch system has been hijacked by business opportunists looking to enrich themselves.
They build buildings – which collect from you – to enrichen themselves and they claim they’re out of money to pay their teachers.
I’m referring to Lkwd schools.
People must start thinking about family size. When you have large families like the ones many frum people have, it becomes impossible to make ends meet unless you are making a ton of money. All that tuition, all that insurance ,all that food and housing etc etc. If you want to have a large family -great!Go right ahead! But dont pretend like its a mystery as to why you are drowning financially. It puts you in a position where your choice is either-make a lot of money just to break even-or go on goverment programs. Its a sad state of affairs where your life comes down to being wealthy or struggling.
I don’t know what situation you’re in… but although some of those issues apply, you are making it sound like everyone is drowning and struggling in every area.
Yes, we have challenges and struggles, but maybe your depression is making everything seem so horrible.
I suggest getting a good nights sleep, learning some Gemora and mussar and davening a little, and you will feel much better.
No one has a challenge free life but if you’re depressed you will never make it through.
Hashem helps just ask Him.
You’ve encapsulated “galus” very articulately. Cry for the geula shleima.
Why does matzav post nonsensical rants like this?
Because it gets hits.
Gloomy, poor guy. Life is so beautiful and delicious! If only we had the eyes to see………….
Please don’t be Motze Shem Ra on Klal Yisroel. The majority of frum families do not fit the criteria that you outline in your letter. I do agree that many people suffer from the issues that you describe, but I strongly disagree with the negative attributes that you ascribe to Klal Yisroel as a whole.
I feel sorry for you
there’s a lot of pain, I agree.
And a lot of love.
Any practical suggestions?
Wow wow wow, slow down. The author must have had a pretty bad day. We are not perfect yet can’t you look at all the good there is? Besides, isn’t this outright loshan hora on am yisroel?!
As Rav Gifter always said in the name of Rav Mottel Pogremanski זויערמילך. The problem is your glasses. Head to your local Bais Medrash and get new ones.
Most people I know are not suffering this much. Yes, everyone is dealing with things, some major and some minor, but if you are spiraling this extensively then you seriously need support. Try therapy, medication, whatever helps. But please stop writing motzi shem ra on klal yisroel as if we are collapsing from within– we are not.
Hashem will help !
A bitter pessimist. Everyone should serve Hashem within his own home, and look out for others to see how he can help them and elevate them. Looking for others to blame is the root of pretty much everything mentioned in this letter.
If we do what we are supposed to then, perhaps, we will be zocheh to leaders.
It’s about time these life issues are addressed. All we read about is the IDF draft and Zionists. The grave issues raised by this writer are ignored and to our peril. Thank you for the alarm.
Somebody is articulate & angry.
You’ve bundled all the problems of modern life, Sholom Bayis, Parnasa, Chinuch, Mental Health, Shidduchim, etc. & found the villains responsible for all this. The elite “Top”. A group of people at the top of our communities is responsible for all this pain & destruction. That’s where the sickness lies in your opinion.
Who are these all-powerful people? How are they causing all this?
Can you blame all of our problems on a few people?
Where does Hashem fit into this picture?
We are watching Klal Yisroel rise before our very eyes, and instead of collapsing under the weight of challenges, we continue to thrive with unbelievable resilience. It is more than fine — it is extraordinary. The system — the very structure that upholds us, guides us, protects us — continues to carry generations with strength. Against all odds, Klal Yisroel is flourishing.
Families, despite financial pressures, find ways to celebrate milestones with joy, generosity, and deep faith. Tuition is indeed an investment, but what does it show? That parents are willing to sacrifice everything for their children’s chinuch. Mortgages, food prices, and the cost of simchos are high — yet Klal Yisroel continues to prioritize Torah, to put family and community above personal comfort. That itself is a living kiddush Hashem.
Parents go beyond their means to make ends meet, and our mosdos stretch themselves as well, often at great sacrifice, to continue giving our children the best possible chinuch. Where else in the world do you find this level of mesiras nefesh on both sides — parents and schools alike — for the future of the next generation?
Our schools are bursting at the seams — because there are so many children, bli ayin hara! Teachers, with incredible devotion, keep showing up with heart and soul, day after day, to mold neshamos. Administrators work tirelessly to balance endless needs and keep the mosdos alive. And for every child who may not fit the mold, there are countless mechanchim and mentors reaching out, finding ways to include and uplift.
This is chinuch we can be proud of: a system where Torah is central, where thousands of children begin their mornings with brachos and Shema, where love for Hashem and His Torah is instilled from the youngest age. Far from being a collapse, it is the miracle of Jewish survival in action.
And look at the shidduch scene — for all the talk of “crisis,” thousands upon thousands of young couples are finding their zivugim every year, building new homes of Torah and chessed. Every single simcha is a victory, another Jewish home added to the chain that stretches back to Avraham and Sarah. Broken hearts heal, broken dreams are renewed, and Klal Yisroel keeps building.
Shalom bayis? We live in a time when more resources, shiurim, and guidance are available for couples than ever before. Rabbanim, mentors, and organizations are stepping in to help homes thrive. Yes, challenges exist, but we are seeing a surge of awareness and effort toward building strong marriages, happier families, and healthier communication.
As for achdus — it is breathtaking to see how, in times of challenge, Klal Yisroel rallies together. Shuls may differ, communities may vary, but the chessed and unity that pour forth when needed is unlike anything in the world. Slogans of unity aren’t just slogans — they translate into action, whether it’s a tehillim gathering, a chessed project, or support for Eretz Yisroel.
Our youth are not walking away — they are building stronger than ever. Yeshivos are full, Bais Yaakovs are packed, camps are thriving, and kiruv organizations are overflowing with young people searching for depth and connection. Far from hypocrisy, we see sincerity: parents doing their best, schools striving to raise inspired children, and a generation of youth that is spiritually alive.
Simchos may have become elaborate, but look deeper: every penny spent is an expression of love for our children, a declaration that “this milestone matters.” And for every fancy wedding, there are countless simple, beautiful simchos filled with genuine joy, with families dancing and celebrating the miracle of Jewish continuity.
Kollelim and yeshivos? Never in history has there been such an explosion of Torah learning across the globe. From Lakewood to Yerushalayim, from Chicago to Antwerp, from Buenos Aires to Los Angeles — batei medrash are full, voices of Torah never ceasing. Donors step up in ways that are unimaginable, keeping Torah alive in every corner of the world.
Chessed? Klal Yisroel is the world’s capital of chessed. Hotlines, organizations, volunteer groups — from Hatzalah to Tomchei Shabbos, from bikur cholim to crisis intervention — the giving has no limits. True, sometimes it comes with PR — but the core is real, heartfelt, and lifesaving. Our nation lives and breathes chessed.
Leadership? Every generation bemoans the lack of leaders, yet look around — gedolim are guiding us, rabbanim are inspiring us, askanim are working behind the scenes day and night. Organizations are carrying our kehillos forward, creating infrastructure and support systems no previous generation ever dreamed of.
Mental health? It is no longer hidden. Klal Yisroel has opened its eyes. The stigma is breaking, resources are expanding, therapists and programs are multiplying. Families are reaching out for help and finding it. The fact that these conversations are happening at all is proof that we are growing stronger, not weaker.
We are not spiraling. We are soaring. Against the backdrop of exile, surrounded by distractions and challenges, Klal Yisroel is producing Torah, mitzvos, chessed, and emunah at unprecedented levels. The system is not broken — it is miraculous. The will to change is not broken — it is vibrant, creative, and constantly pushing forward.
Yes, there are struggles. Yes, not everything is perfect. But the house is not burning down — it is alive, it is strong, and it is filled with light. Klal Yisroel is not falling apart; Klal Yisroel is holding together, tighter than ever, carrying the torch of our mesorah with pride.
It is time to stop despairing. It is time to start celebrating. It is time to recognize the greatness all around us. Because if we keep our eyes open, we’ll see: Klal Yisroel is thriving, and the best is yet to come.
My wife says thank you for that long and very thorough out reply. But again, why hide? Why remain anonymous?
Thank you for articulating so well exactly what I was thinking when I read the article.
Your rebuttal is not just beautiful (which it is), but it’s the truth. This discussion is not a case of a glass half full or half empty. The simple reality is that the glass is almost entirely full (as you make clear). The letter writer, sadly, suffers from the sour-milk on his glasses that another commenter pointed out.
What path toward solution do you propose?
What path toward solution do you propose?
WELCOME TO GALUS THERE IS 0 TO BE DONE MAYBE FINNALY YOU WILL START YEARNING FOR MOSHIACH
Express yourself to Hashem. He wants to listen to you and only Hashem can resolve any problem.
The upper 5-8% have it swell
The more everybody struggles,
the better for them.
Naturally they’ll drop bags of crumbs for the others. After they pulled up the ladder.
They retort to the public this is how it is supposed to be. & this is how it always was.
So what is your issue
Ouch!!!!
That’s all I have to say
Wow
This letter was written from this person’s heart – a heart full of pain and compassion.
And it warrants a response.
Dear Writer,
Blaming the system isn’t going get change to happen. Please share with us the changes you’ve made to address these issues personally.
The issue with all these letters and people screaming, is that it’s all they are. Letters and screams of finger pointing and blame. Time to self-reflect and take action. Get the people in your shul, community, neighborhood, school, to commit to changes. Start by taking action. Make a simple wedding. Drive a 10+ year old car. Spend wisely when shopping, not conveniently. Don’t go out to eateries. Start a movement rather than blame others.
Most importantly, start building your Emunah. In a real, deep, and meaningful way. It’s the cornerstone of everything. Make every Tefillah an indisputable critical VIP meeting between you and Hashem, that your life hangs. If you’re genuine about it, you’ll see the results in no time.
Hatzlacha,
An Eved Hashem
Every Yid is a BIG Tzadik!
“From his Keppelle till his Feeselle“.
Every Yid is a BIG Tzadik!
Hear the rest here:
https://youtu.be/81gcr4dq1iE?si=TzWupnUhLzSaXYxx
Raising the issues is certainly important. How you chose to raise them is unbecoming and will unfortunately have many people ignoring the article and simply seeing you as an angry person with a pen. Positivity breeds positivity!
ok.so what is your plan?
What a horrible, hateful, and utterly false article! It is dripping with lashon hara, distorted claims, and outrageous exaggerations. The writer paints a picture of doom and collapse as though Klal Yisroel is on the brink of destruction, which is nothing short of a lie. Of course, as with any community, individuals and families face struggles and challenges — that is part of life and always has been. But to take those struggles and portray them as proof of an ‘existential crisis’ for the Jewish people is dishonest, destructive, and irresponsible.
The reality is the exact opposite of what this article claims. Torah learning is flourishing to levels our grandparents could hardly have imagined. Yeshivos and kollelim are filled with sincere bnei Torah dedicating themselves day and night to limud haTorah. The amount of chessed and tzedakah being done across the globe is staggering — organizations providing food, medical help, financial aid, support for families, and countless other forms of kindness, all powered by the generosity of Klal Yisroel. Mitzvah observance and spiritual growth are alive and well; Shabbos, kashrus, tefillah, and so many areas of avodas Hashem are thriving in ways never seen before in modern history.
To ignore all of this good and instead write a one-sided, bitter screed of negativity is not just unfair — it is poisonous. Instead of encouraging growth, teshuvah, and positivity, this article tears down, demoralizes, and spreads despair. That is not mussar and it is not constructive criticism; it is lashon hara and rechilus dressed up in dramatic language.
Klal Yisroel has been through galus, persecutions, pogroms, inquisitions, and the Holocaust. We are still here, stronger than ever, building Torah, avodah, and gemilus chasadim in every corner of the world. To claim otherwise is not only false, but it is an insult to the countless Jews who are sincerely and wholeheartedly serving Hashem every single day.
You’re living in a bubble.
It’s disappointing how some responders here prefer to live in a bubble instead of addressing the writer’s real issues head-on.
Re:
“And let’s talk about the shidduch crisis — a crisis that everyone cries about”.
You can certainly scratch that one off the list. R Moshe Hillel Hirsch and the Rabbonim put their credibility on the line this year with a fix idea. That boys start earlier and the girls wait.
Idea Was automatically declined by the girls and their family’s. So they basically declared that they have no crisis.
Photo-Op Chessed? How dare you !
You know what kind of Chessed goes on out there that I witness first hand ?
Long Time Shadchan
There is a Shidduch crisis. This idea of making girls wait another year after seminary is outrageous.you want girls to start dating at twenty. Let boys start dating at 21 and marry young and then sit in kollel. Why till 23 or longer.
No one is making the girls do anything. If they have not done anything to fix their own crisis in the last 20 Years , then they have no crisis.
Can’t put the whole obligation on the boys. Won’t work.
Only after they serve in the IDF. No one can shirk their responsibilities.
Although I am financially well off I agree with the letter writer. There is a serious problem with our youngsters. Materialism has crept into the Heimish chassidish community big time. It used to be the modern orthodox. Today it’s in every community from lakewood,Boro park,Monsey and beyond. Kids are raised to shop till you drop. Teenagers know about all the name brands coming from Paris or Italy. When I just saw a picture of girls thrown out of school sitting like Tisha bov on the floor outside their school because their parents owed some tuition. When I read how announcements are asking all kids not in school to come to Sheiners shul to gather. It’s devastating. The danger of our lifestyles is destroying our future.
Golus, oy golus, vi grois bist du!
Shechinah HaKedoisha, vi veit bist du!
Why doesn’t the writer offer some solutions?
Why remain anonymous with such a well written letter? Every word is true and needs to be heard. Today, yes today, me my wife and two friends from the block were talking about everything that you just so eloquently put forth. I wish it would have been me who wrote it and put my name on it.
With all those issues going on, new square has over $100 million to waste, just to make other yidden suffer. Amazing.
Too many kids per family is the reason behind a lot of these issues in the letter. People are getting buried financially. Just a fact
EXCUSE, I DONT SEE IT UNRAVILING BEFORE OUR EYS!!
I totally agree. This is true, regardless of whether you like it (or even if the letter writer is a semi-troll). Everyone loves to be positive and ignore issues, but the truth is that way too many people are suffering. People choosing to become not religious is rampant. It is just a fact. Numbers don’t lie. We need to ask WHY. Happy people don’t change paths for no reason; at least not many.
The shidduchim system is breaking hearts & dreams. Parnassa issues are choking the life out of families.
There’s one thing I disagree with, however, and this is a crucial point: It’s not frumkeit the religion that’s breaking us, and it’s not even frumkeit the culture. It is a couple of specific groups within our community whose ideals are just not working in 2025. I hope Hashem provides a yeshua because I cannot.
I do think that proper guidance and a lifestyle shift around parnassa is the start. Im ein kemach, ein Torah. Im ein kemach, ein resources to solve any problems. Some people have the gadlus to learn Torah and not need so much but they are the exception (Shevet Levi was 1/12), not the rule.
Working to be financially solvent is not a contradiction to being a true Ben Torah.
I also don’t agree about your point about chesed. There are true baalei chesed among klal Yisroel who are truly using their kochos to help. There’s is room for more and unfortunately I don’t think people realize how desperate it is. But I wouldn’t put down the baalei tzedaka & tzedaka volunteers- Hatzala, Chaveirim, Satmar Bikkur Cholim, Amudim-they represent the best of us.
May Hashem inscribe us all for the sweetest year to date & the geulah this year.
I don’t think this letter is saying that our community is BAD, more that our circumstances are SAD. The reaction should be sadness, not anger.
I think any resistance is just because it’s a very difficult reality to face. But that doesn’t make it true. And it doesn’t make the positive side less positive. I just think we need to figure out what to fix because “diracheha darchei noam,” but people are not feeling that enough.
So many here are asking what’s the solution. Of course the letter brings up so many issues from schools to marriage to finances to relationships. There are serious financial drainage issues. One is girls seminaries at thirty thousand dollars. Then there is highly expensive weddings. Then housing is expensive as so many young couples are moving out trying to find cheaper housing. Then there is the school expense issue. Then there is expensive health coverage issues. From groceries to cars everything is a financial issue. What to do. I’m thinking. Maybe buy a powerball lotto for the grand prize of 1.7 billion dollars. But here is the other solution. Life is about challenges and tests. No matter who you are you will be lacking something. That’s how G-d created this planet. Our success is how much we can do to create a relationship with G-d through Torah and mitzvohs. But if we distract ourselves and put luxury as our goal we end up unfulfilled. Life is short 70 or 80 years and then everything other than Torah and mitzvahs is left behind. We have to cut down on crazy shopping sprees. Cut cut cut is the secret. Watch what poor people do,and dont do it. Don’t leave lights burning in rooms for nothing. Don’t let kids do their own shopping. Live within your means.
This letter is very important for highlighting the issues and problems facing the frum world today.
You just listed a whole laundry list of major problems, but those are only the symptoms. The real root cause is sheitels that are too long, smartphones everywhere, sleeves that are too short, talking in shul, and clothing that’s a little too colorful.
Yo klal yisroel is in the greatest place in gashmius in a very long time, and you are complaining?!
Your teinos apply only to America. And even then, not all frum communities in America.
Really, the solution for American Jewry is to follow Rav Avigdor Miller in everything he said.
hadran alach matzav shmooze basra uselika lach mesechta matzav shmooze
shkoyach gadol meod for rolling all of the inbox posts into one
what more is there to say
Dear Fellow Yid,
Let’s say you’re right. But with all the pain and darkness, you still work for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. In Eicha, Yirmiyahu says he wants to run away from Klal Yisroel and all the problems. But he still works for Hashem.
So, don’t leave Him out of your picture. What can you do for Him? Can you, and we all, make things a little bit better? Bring a drop more light into the world? לא עליך המלאכה לגמור We can only do ours.
Sometimes things look so dark that all we can do look up, and learn how to transcend it all by connecting to HKBH.
Chazak & be strong!