Readers’ Matzav: Sefardi Girls and the Shidduch Crisis

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sefardi-ashkenaziDear Editor,

I have read countless letters and articles here, on, regarding the shidduch crisis. But let me tell you something. You think that you, Ashkenazi girls, have it tough? How about us Sefardi girls? The few single Sefardi boys who are suitable for us are being snatched by the Ashkenazim. And what are we left with? What are we supposed to do?

And no, this is not a joke. Speak to anyone who is in the same matzav, predicament. I have entered the shidduch market and no boys want to go out with me because I am Sefardi by blood. So you say that I should go out with Sefardi boys? Like I said, there are very few of them in our circles and few of the same sort of origin.

Please, someone must help. It is unfair.

 An Anxious Girl in Shidduchim


  1. My sympathies to the writer.

    I am just curious however. Where are all the Sepharadic guys? Did they disappear into thin air?

    We need more information here. Does she mean that she want a Sepharadic guy who will learn in kollel? Maybe she should be open to a baal habayit who will work and learn. I believe there has been a big growth of limud haTorah among Sepharadim in recent years by the way.


  2. Are you writing this from the US? I wasn’t aware of the problem. But when you consider that people consider whether a family covers their tables with plastic or not enough of a cultural issue, I can see why it would arise.

    Personally, the Sefardi women I know (in an out of town neighborhood; they are the minority) have such pure yiras shamayim and emunah and spirit. Even their children have something of it. I would LOVE that in a daughter in law. (Sorry, we’re not there yet 😉 All the best.

  3. The yidushdik Ashkenazi families look for the Sefradim who are learners since there is usually some bucks there….and it makes it easier for the girls chashuva family. This is a true phenomenam.

  4. A. Why are Sefardic boys going after Ashkenazic girls?

    B. Why should a Sefardic girl have any trouble at all marrying an Ashkenazic boy?

  5. The good sefardi bochurim go to Ashkenazi yeshivos, & then they want to marry Ashkenazim.
    The sefardim need to built their yeshivos, in a proud way, with good roshei yeshivos, so that the good bochurim shouldn’t run to the Ashkenazi

  6. I don’t get it; why can’t a sephardie girl marry a ashkenazi boy? It works out great. She knows how to clean, cook, manage the kids much more than his highest expectations. He honors her and respects her and is gentle more than her highest expectations. So what’s the problem?

  7. Reply to # 1

    you are hurting others with this coment there is bad and good evry where let me tell i know a lot of sefardim and the problem is that it today day to be a sefardi is something wrong and thats why tere is a lot of sefardim who changed there names.
    and we want talk about the school problem

  8. Chassidish Sefardi boys have it even harder. No Chassidish girl, even Sefardi ones, wants to remain with a Sefardi surname for the rest of her life. Can’t we find a way to bring the two of them together?

  9. The Sefardi crisis has kicked in a few years a ago and it’s not fair tomany. It’s actually funny that the Sefardi boys marry askenazi girls, especially the one that married the chassidish one from Williamsburg. There are many shtarki sefardi boys out their that wnat shtarke girls

  10. I’m shocked and surprised that we Bnai Tora have these pejudices which almost borders on racism.We should concetrate on the person, her middos and values.
    My son married a sephardi girl (we are yeshivish eastern european beckround) who is kulo tochein and so are her siblings and parents. It is a pity because many are loosing out for no valid reason. May this be a project of real ahavas yisroel to overcome these stigmas

  11. Hashem decrees who will marry whom 40 days before the fetus is formed. The crisis is in our head. We lack both bitachon in Hashem and Ahavas Yisroel. Mentchlichkeit is not genetic.

  12. I am tearing!!!!
    you are so right!!!
    we must do something about this! we must take action! oy vey! i thought my daughters have it bad, and after hearing your side, my heart is tearing for you!
    you are 100% right! just beause you are sefardi, you were still born here in America, and have every right to date Ashkenazim.
    you sound like a wonderful girl, and whoever says no to you is just missing out!!!

  13. I think this is a little off track…
    there is a GENERAL shidduch crisis not much to do with specifics like sefardi, ashkanasi, chassidish, rich, poor, ugly, good looking or whatever!

  14. As a sefardi, single, FRUM, 26 year old girl, I feel like I can completely realte, and I have a couple if things to add:
    Comment #17: I must 100% dissagree with you. Yes, Hashem Decrees who will marry whom, however we have free choice. And people can very easily choose to reject someone based on them being Sefardi, having a big nose, having a small nose, not having enough money, having too much money, having curly hair, having straight hair, having leather couches, having suede couches, having steel couches – the list of retardation goes on and on. “The crisis is in our head.”?! Are you for real? And you think Mentchlichkeit is NOT genetic? Where do people learn it from, exactly?
    I will have to agree with #20. It’s a general crisis, but the more specific (not picky) a person is, the harder it is. Everyone wants to marry a person/into a family most similar to their own backround, to avoid as much conflict as possible.
    It’s unfortunate and it’s heartbreaking. In general, peoples’ focus is on minor insignificant details, such as age, height, dress size, hair color, money in their father’s bank account, ect. It can’t be said enough that people nowadays when reading shidduchim ask the wrong questions, and have lost sight of what’s important – character, yiras shamayim, being goodhearted, humble, ect.
    Again, we’ve been crying this cry for some time now, yet the parents, and the singles still do not look away from the insignificant stuff, because it’s become a competition. People have lost track of what they need in a spouse, and are focused on what their friend/next door neightboor/third cousin twice removed has.

  15. I totally understand! I am Sephardi and all my Sephardi guy friends are married to Ashkenazim. It’s hard on us girls because we don’t really desire marrying Ashkenazim because of the cultural differences. It’s VERY hard.


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