Rav Chaim Kanievsky and the Proper Age to Get Married

דברי מרן הגר”ח קנייבסקי זצ”ל על גיל הנישואין ע”פ הלכה 

17 or 18 is the Proper Age to Start Shidduchim

The proper time to start shidduchim is seventeen, eighteen (Hagiah Hazman, pp. 76-77). The bochurim who delay aren’t following the proper path (Ibid.).

Moshiach Will Come Sooner if Bochurim Start at 18

“Besides the fact that one is required to marry at eighteen, as per the Shulchan Aruch, getting married young will cause Moshiach to come earlier” (Ibid., see also Iyun Yaakov Sanhedrin 97 who says that those who get married after 19 won’t have techias hameisim as a punishment for delaying techias hameisim).

Yeshivos Mustn’t Delay Bochurim from Shidduchim Before 20

“Rav Chaim stated that those who prevent their students from seeking their zivug before age 20 are erring in their thinking” (Rav Chaim Kanievsky on Shidduchim, p. 168).

A Rosh Yeshiva—of a yeshiva that delayed bochurim from dating—asked Rav Chaim for a personal bracha. Rav Chaim responded that he doesn’t give brachos to those whose Yeshivos oppose the Torah (Rav Eluzer Rubin, Irgun Shiurei Torah, available at 718-298-2077, ID: 9-167053).

The Punishment for Delaying

Rav Chaim was asked by a bochur if he could delay till after twenty in order to finish the Yeshiva’s Mesechta. Rav Chaim responded, “You should not delay marriage. Do you want your face [as per Nedarim 89] to be plastered with clay?” (Ezer Kenegdo, p. 89).

Bochurim who Delay Because they Aren’t “Ready” Risk Remaining Single Forever

Rav Chaim relayed that the Chofetz Chaim (then in his late 80s) wanted his young son to start shidduchim at eighteen, but his wife felt their son wasn’t “ready.” Ultimately, the son remained single his entire life [dying in his 40s and buried in Mount Judah Cemetery]. The Rebbetzin later deeply regretted rejecting her husband’s opinion. Rav Chaim explained that this was a punishment, as Hashem says, “When I wanted you to get married, you didn’t want, so when you wanted, I no longer wanted” (Rav Chaim Kanievsky on Shidduchim, p. 163).

Claiming that Boys Aren’t Mature Enough is Against Chazal

One cannot claim that a bochurim aren’t mature enough, because Chazal established that it’s possible to get married already at thirteen, and, at the latest, at eighteen or nineteen. If so, a young bochur is certainly considered mature enough for marriage (Hagiah Hazman, Ibid.).

After Marriage One Learns Much Better

People mistakenly believe that after one’s wedding one learns worse, but that is a mistake, since after marriage one learns much better (Ibid.).

Rav Shteinman and Rav Elyashiv Supporting Rav Chaim’s Mission

Rav Shteinman: “If the Torah says to marry young, then we must do so. Some claim ‘but they’re babies!’ and I say ‘nonsense!’ Rav Chaim is correct about what he’s doing.” (Adam Gadol Hu, p. 175).

A Rosh Yeshiva complained to Rav Elyashiv about Rav Chaim’s campaign encouraging boys to get married young. Rav Elyashiv responded: “You can’t delay them past twenty, as stated in the Gemara. What do you want, that they should do like America, wait till 21, 22 and ultimately only get married at 30?!” (Yevakshu Mipihu, p. 52).

{Matzav.com}